On Relinquished Love: Meanderings and Ruminations
by The Invisible Sun
Summary: Sasuke and Sakura ended their relationship eight months ago, it has been a year and a bit more since he's last seen her, yet all he can do is think about what he had with Sakura...
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** I do not this anime or any of the characters contained with in it. This is purely fictional, and not tied in to any of the existing stories in the Naruto universe.

**On Relinquished Love: Meanderings and Ruminations done by Sasuke Uchiha**

Written by The Invisible Sun

For Ulrika: This is what I would think about for so long... and now its finally over. Thank you for the inspiration... thank you for the good times... most of all thank you for helping me let go.

Sasuke sat beneath a tree in an isolated forest. His face slightly contorted deep in thought. Inside his head, memories of Sakura and their love stabbed at his conscience, heart, and general sanity. He had never felt the same after he left her. No girl, could amount to what he and Sakura had. It wasn't like he didn't try to move on. He had already started seeing another kunoichi weeks before he ended his relationship with her. She had beautiful greenish blue eyes, long blonde hair, played the flute to the best of her ability, and was kind and caring. He knew that she loved him dearly… yet still it was nothing like love with Sakura.

He constantly remembered the greatest things about Sakura. The first time she took him up to her secret cave, where she lit candles for him, as they watched the lights of Konoha below them. He remembered the time he came back from training, and she spilled cola all over his new uniform. He remembered how she would kiss him, how she sounded, what she smelled like, how her sweet mouth tasted after she ate strawberries… the texture of her hair, all her expressions, smiles, frowns… there was not one detail that he was unaware of. And now… a year and a month and fifteen days after he had seen her last, after a kunoichi (who he still was seeing), he still felt for her.

"I was right to end it though." He told himself. "She was the one kissing _him_. I knew it. It was bound to happen. The long distance wasn't a great idea; she wasn't able to handle it. How could I have expected that of her? Yet, despite all that I still think of her when someone says love, or when I smell strawberries, or think of home. "It was only one kiss…" well that is what she said. Even if she hadn't kissed _that_ weak excuse for a boy she would have ended up with Naruto sooner or later, I knew it. Naruto and that _boy_ set their eyes on her the second I left town. And now it has been two months since she and Naruto are seeing each other. I still feel the pangs of jealousy. She doesn't even talk to me much any more. She constantly offered to get back with me… but all I could say was no we can't. And still I tempted her with songs… poems… lyrics… While I was dating this _girl_… Where are my morals…? I know better than to cheat… but my heart is and was torn in two. I had to make a choice… and I didn't choose Sakura."

He tried reassuring himself, that he had taken the best course of action. The one that would make him happy and her happy. They were tearing each other apart, with little games of jealousy before the end anyway. He hated it when she would sleep over (even if it was in a group) at Naruto's house. And how Naruto would sleep on her lap. And how he would lie to compensate for the stories she told him. How he wanted to make her jealous, how he invented stories of girls he never really met and their awkward intimate moments. All so that she could hurt as bad as he did when she told him that she slept over at Naruto's house the other night, or how he gave her a ride on his bike. He constantly reminded himself of all those things, so that he could bear with his decision. Yet oddly against all sense… Sakura was indeed the girl he loved the strongest in his life. He hoped she knew this… at one point he knew she knew. "But she threw it away." He reminded himself. She seemed less appealing at that moment. Seconds later… she would still enter his brain. She was perfect for him. Her hair… he loved how she cut it short… and her eyes and manner of being. If only he could have had been within physical reach of her none of this would have happened. She would have been his first, and he hers… Another knife to his heart and stomach. He had saved himself for her… and sometimes thought he still was. He hadn't done anything with the kunoichi he was dating now. Mainly because she didn't want to unless there was marriage involved. But it wasn't that that bothered him. It was how close he was to having sex with Sakura. Just half a year more and he would have gone to Konoha… and would have made love to his dearest Sakura. But now it had gone to waste. Was she still a virgin? How far had she gone with Naruto? He felt branded by the question… the searing pain filling his emotions. Causing him to tighten his fists… and bite down on his teeth.

"She's not your property…" He told himself. "Get over it and move on… she threw it all away when she kissed that _boy_, and it was even worse when she went for Naruto after that pathetic _boy._ She has no regard for you. Let her go… she's even asking you to do it." Truth… her last letter blatantly stated she no longer wanted anything to do him, or his lyrics. This angered him greatly. Enough that when he though of it, Sakura seemed like a vial poison, or a spike in his side. The image stood there. No sweet memories could mask this feeling. Then he thought at how different she had become when he left. She lost her persona… He felt as if she had died sometimes, and was only replaced by some creature similar to Sakura… Little by little Sasuke eased his body… yes… it was over… and yes he was moving on… he had done so the second Sakura kissed that _boy, _and he forgot about her when she chose to be with Naruto. "Sakura is dead. What lives in her place now is everything I know I hate." And so Sasuke decided that Sakura indeed was not the answer, even if she was in the past, things had changed she wasn't the one any longer. Even if she was… she was happier this way… with Naruto, with out him in her life. But she wasn't wasn't the one… right?


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Sasuke woke with a slight start. He was breathing slightly heavily. As he came to he took in a deep breath and exhaled loudly. To his side was one of the prettiest things in the world. Her long blonde, was a mess and looked so beautiful now in the morning. Her relaxed breathing was entrancing and she wore a smile on her face. She smelled like the forest, like rainfall, and occasionally her eyes when open would glow like tropical ocean waters. He reached out to stroke her smooth white slightly pale skin. Suddenly her eyes opened quickly and focused in on him. She was wearing her playful smile. "Got ya." She said while wearing her smile. Her white teeth –Sasuke thought- were incredibly cute, especially when she smiled.

"Good morning." Sasuke said as he went in to kiss her.

"Aah!" she quietly playfully screamed as she turned around pulling all the sheets in the bed with her. She was playing hard to get, Sasuke enjoyed this.

"Come on… wouldn't you like to kiss me?"

"Nnno." She said as she pulled the covers overhead. Sasuke moved over to her ear and tried another approach. He made his voice soft, and quietly and with the most seductive voice he could muster whispered in her ear "I'll make it worth your while." She stood still motionless… then quickly jumped out of the sheets in an explosion of energy, straddled Sasuke and pinned him to the bed.

"Worth my while? What about you Sasuke? I think you've been stressed lately, you need something to take your mind off of things."

Sasuke painfully remembered his previous afternoon. The guilt was almost too much to bear. He almost gave in, and came clean, but held on with all the strength he had against his conscience. He couldn't do this to Reika. "Do it for Rei… he told his conscience." The assault ceased.

He felt Rei's soft lips kissing his. He kissed her with much passion pulling her close, forcing her to lie down on him. He threw his left arm around her waist, and put his right arm on her shoulders while placing his hand on the back of her head. Rei let out a slight gasp as he held her close. She loved it when their bodies were pressed against each other, and how intense Sasuke always was. He was the perfect boyfriend. He would write her occasional songs, knew how to make her feel good in every sense of the word, never forgot birthdays, important dates, he bought and made her things… he seemed flawless, and she loved it. As their make out session went on, Sasuke got more and more passionate. The two finally stopped after they realized they both had to get on with their day.

They left Rei's small room after quick showers (Sasuke offered to shower together, but quickly reconsidered when he remembered Rei took way too long in the shower.) Today he was in a good mood. No, he was in an excellent mood. At the end of the day he returned to his room, and realized that he hadn't thought of Sakura all day long. Rei had completely stolen his attention away from the problem. "Rei may not be the one… but she's a definite cure for heartache…"

He sat himself down on the edge of his bed, watching the sunset from his bed. For the first time in a long time he smiled and realized that it was ok. Then as if his day was worth nothing, his brain thought of Sakura's day. He imagined her with Naruto doing what he and Rei did this morning. The jealousy was almost unbearable. "It's time to move on Sasuke… you can't think of that damn slut who cheated on you. She doesn't even feel for you any more. Forget it."

Sasuke let out an extremely painful and frustrated sigh and buried his head in his hands. "Leave me alone Sakura… please."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

"_Hey Sasuke!_

_I'm real glad about your last letter and that you are worried about me. And to be honest I haven't been completely honest lately. You remember a few weeks ago when people threw a surprise party for me? Either way there was this boy Yori, who I had been hanging out with lately. That day of the party I was really depressed, and in the end he told me that he though I was a wonderful girl and all these sweet things. Either way he went to kiss me and he pecked me on the lips. I didn't stop him, because he was so sweet. But I stopped it there it ended after that and I told him that I was still with you. I'm really sorry, but that's what happened. Well that's all I have to say this time. _

_I love you,_

_-Sakura_"

Sasuke held the letter in his hand, remembering the pain it had inflicted him when he had gotten it months ago. "It was just a peck on the lips," he would tell himself… but he still counted that as cheating. Not to mention in previous letters she would talk about Naruto sleeping on her lap, and giving her rides on his bike… it just sounded like she was spending way too much time with other guys. How the jealousy would eat at Sasuke! Sasuke thought that letter was the last drop. After much thought he realized that Sakura must have been unhappy in order for her to do this to him. Not to mention Sakura got a kick out of making him jealous. He would try to make her jealous occasionally but in comparison most things he would tell her were just lies to get back at her. The more he thought about it the more it seemed the two of them were bound to kill their relationship. Yet, faith in love won over jealousy.

"I'm obviously not making her happy. But after all it is just one kiss, a peck on the lips. I should write her back and at least tell her what I feel. Maybe she doesn't realize that she's starting to hurt me… to hurt us? Our love can't die over this. He grabbed the necklace around his neck that Sakura gave him. He kissed it lightly and held it tightly. No, my Sakura I won't leave you, I believe in us. That _boy_ won't get in my way either, nor will Naruto."

And so started the decline in Sasuke's relationship. Time after time he would find something about Sakura he didn't like. The letters he wrote seemed to annoy Sakura, and only confirm that indeed he was holding her back. Sakura was changing, and so was he. Sakura began to get annoying, and he felt as if she was trying to make him jealous. And if this wasn't enough, life through something else at Sasuke something he could nothing about.

And so came along Reika. Reika at the time also had a boyfriend who she would not see in months, maybe a year. She caught Sasuke's fancy, as he caught hers and in no time they were spending time together. -Strictly as friends of course- but eventually as their friendship grew, it seemed that their long distance relationships shrunk. In less than a month Sasuke found himself questioning his friendship with Reika.

"Could this feeling be… Maybe it is time I move on? That way I won't hold Sakura back, and I can try things with Reika." It was the first thought that built his new relationship. A few days later as he and Reika were listening to music in her room, Sasuke broke the ice. "So what do we do?" And after a series of confessions the two decided that yes there was something between them. With that settled Sasuke awkwardly left Reika's room and returned home. Sasuke left that night with a cluttered, confused, and worried mind.

Sasuke then spent the next couple days locked in his room in deep thought. Ignoring all the surrounding world. Sakura was the love of his life, or at least was. Had she not kissed that pathetic human being, and started cuddling with Naruto would things have been different? Now he had someone else he was interested in he could just try it no one would know…. Then he spoke and caught himself off-guard. "I won't be like Sakura, I won't cheat on my loved one." His eyes opened in realization… Sasuke knew at that very moment that Sakura had no place in his life right now. He would see her in about half a year, and even then it would be for two weeks, then he would have to do it all over again. She was a ghost he was chasing. There was no point in staying with someone who wasn't real anymore. Besides she had Yori, and Naruto to get her through everything. At the same time Reika seemed to be someone he could start over with.

"I still love her." He told himself. "Damn! I still love her. How can I not? She's treated me like hell and I still do. But she's so different and she's changing so quickly, its bound to end. She doesn't need me right now, she needs someone else. Even if it is_ Yori_ or Naruto. If you love someone set them free…"

Carefully, Sasuke pulled out on sheet of paper, and an envelope. He put the paper down on his desk and watched as it was illuminated by moonlight. His hand was shaking as he took the pen and began to write.

"_Sakura,_

_We're over._

_-Sasuke_"

As he finished the final letter in his name, he let out an ear splitting yell. The tears in his eyes were blurring his vision. He slammed the table, and started punching the floor madly. "Damn it!" He let out his anger and frustration, all the jealousy that had been building in him for months on end. And then after his knuckles were bleeding and his voice gone, he waited till dawn and mailed the letter.

Sasuke awoke from his memory. He remembered that day clearly. Very clearly. And now he stood there almost a year later, and started to realize that he had done the right thing. Earlier on he had picked up a picture of Sakura and felt a wave of sadness come over him. "It's strange how now all I can do is remember how I felt for her, instead of currently feeling for her… Good bye Sakura."


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

"Sasuke are you alright?"

Reika's words were fairly distant, and Sasuke could barely hear them.

"Sasuke…. Sasuke… ITACHI!!" The word echoed clearly in Sasuke's head.

"Where?!" Sasuke snapped out of his trance.

"No where I just needed to get your attention. You've been so distant today… I'm getting lonely…" Reika said with a mixture of a playful and serious voice.

And distant he had been. Sasuke's thoughts were deep on love. How much he loved Reika, he wondered if he loved her as much as he loved Sakura months ago… Sasuke took a deep breath and stared at the sky.

"Reika?"

"Yes Sasuke?"

"Do you think, that if you ever fall in love with someone you won't ever love any one else the same again?"

"Well of course Sasuke!"

"Every person is different, as is every relationship right? You will never two different people the same way. I mean there is you know passionate love, platonic love, and all those but in each one of those there are little divisions."

Reika was right. Sasuke was actually amazed at her insight, though he knew he shouldn't be. Reika was always very clever, and knew just how to answer his questions. His worrying was eased, he was happy to be with her. Happy to be in love with Reika, life was starting to ease up again. The storm had gone. It was time to drop the bomb.

"I guess your right Reika. You know to be honest for the longest time I never thought I would get over Sakura, and there were times when I was with you that I felt this way. And I'm real sorry. I know now though that I love you more than any other girl in my life. You're wonderful and perfect, everything I need. Sadly I know I will have to go again, and I will have to leave you behind. And it will all end anyway."

"Sasuke… I know… about Sakura that is I could tell. But it's all right, you were in something pretty serious, it would be inhuman of you to not feel at all. As long as you love me now that's all that matters to me. It's ok…"

"It's ok…" Those words echoed in Sasuke's head. Yes it was ok, and it would be. Love's would come and go, but he would never loose the ability to fall in love again. He was sure of it. And for now… Reika was all he needed, Sakura could keep Naruto for all he cared. He stared at Reika's smooth white skin, her grayish green-blue eyes, and her long blonde hair. He took in a deep breath and took in her scent.

"Reika… I love you. I always will no matter what, even when I leave, I'll be at your side. I'll be the trap sealed by your lips scared to go anywhere, thinking about the things I miss whenever your not there. " He went in for the kiss.

He found her lips and bliss at the same time. He passionately quickly kissed her lips and held her tight. He broke the kisses and stared into the sunset. He thought "Love what a funny thing. I may not have Sakura, and I may have Reika now, but tomorrow it may be something different. All I know though is that I'm glad to be here right now, with someone who needs me just as much as I need them. I guess that's the thing about relinquished love… you never know when you may stumble upon it if ever again. It's what you got at the moment that matters." Sasuke pecked Reika on the cheek. For once in a long time he was calm. He smiled.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Sasuke stood before Sakura. It had been over a year since he'd last seen her. A year three months and twenty-seven days to be exact. He saw the tears rolling down her cheeks and the hurt in her eyes.

"It's so good to see you Sasuke…" Sakura ran over and hugged him. Something was wrong… Sasuke knew something was had gone terribly wrong.

"Naruto… he… he broke up with me." Sakura sobbed into Sasuke's shirt. "haha, I knew it. There was no way that half-brained idiot could have kept up a girl like Sakura." Thought Sasuke. All he said was "Sakura I'm so sorry." Again he though "yea right…" Then his thoughts turned to the present, Reika would be coming to get him soon. If she saw him with Sakura he was sure an awkward situation would present itself. It was a danger to everything, him and Reika, and even Sakura.

"Look we can't talk here, Sakura. If Reika sees us here things will get weird."

Sakura seemed not to listen. And Sasuke frowned. He picked Sakura up (she was surprisingly light) and hid on the nearest rooftop.

"So you guys are still together?" Asked Sakura, changing the subject dramatically.

"Yea, still together."

"And everything's going fine."

"Yea." Sasuke looked back over the incredible summer Reika and he had. "It's going great." He concluded with a grin.

"That's good." He could tell Sakura put a great effort into not crying.

For a second Sasuke tried remembering how Sakura had come to find him. And just how he had ended up in this situation. He remembered it was at 9:48 of this morning. He had been sitting in the forest when Sakura appeared out of nowhere. It was strange. Seeing her after so much time. He had almost forgot about her, she hardly even answered his letters.

It was now ten fifteen. They had walked to the village. Sakura explaining how she just needed someone to talk to so badly, and he Sasuke Uchiha was the only person she could think of.

"Sasuke are you even listening to me?" Sasuke focused back on Sakura.

"No." He was honest. He didn't like her here.

"You're so stupid sometimes…" Sakura said in a mocking tone. She thought he was joking.

"Sasuke I've been wondering… Do you think you and me could have hit it off if we had stayed closer?" Sakura was going places Sasuke didn't want to go.

"It's hard to say Sakura. I mean look at us now, we're completely different people than we were last year. Maybe we would have changed greatly even if we didn't move."

"I think we could have hit it off…" Sakura said. She was definitely going somewhere Sasuke didn't want to talk about. "Here it comes…" He told himself.

"To be honest I think we could hit it off right now if we were in the same place."

This was too much, Sakura was pushing the limits.

"Sakura you are going way off limits here…" He was interrupted. Sakura had grabbed him by the shirt, and was pulling herself closer. She had a familiar look in her eyes. A look Sasuke had to fight to keep out of his dreams months ago. She tilted her head and slowly closed her eyes. Sasuke realized what was going to happen if he did nothing. "I'm so sorry Sakura…" he told himself in his mind. With his right index and middle finger he stopped Sakura's kiss. He pushed lightly but affirmitavely on her soft, sweet lips. All the anger… all the hatred… everything came out in one sentence.

"You were the one to cheat on me Sakura. I don't think I'll ever really forgive you for that." It sounded so cold… He looked into her eyes. It was an unbearable sight. Sakura was hurt, and he had done it. The revenge was sweet, but the little attachment he had to her was screaming out in rage. Cursing at him, and clawing at his soul, looking to take whatever casualties it could.

"I'm with Reika now, and I don't want to give her up." It was true, yet he couldn't help but feel a little devastated inside. "Relinquished love stays with you forever." He told himself. "You can never really stop feeling for the person. This is why it hurts." He looked at Sakura. The look on her face was borderline unbearable. This was worse than one of Itachi's gen-jutsu's…

"I'm real sorry Sakura… I just can't do this. Please go home, maybe you and me might have a chance in the future, (a distant chance, a slight possibility, a snowball's in hell… he thought) but for now, its better we stay this way. I'm not the boy for you now."

"Fine." Sakura disappeared in smoke. She was gone.

"Sasuke?" Sasuke turned around met with one of the prettiest faces in the world. He felt a kiss on his lips. And he felt his arms warp around a body. A warm caring body, filled with life, love, and devotion. The kiss was passionate, and Sasuke's heart was speeding. He wanted this body, he wanted this girl.

Then just like it started, the kiss was broken. "I'm proud of you." Sasuke stared at Reika's face. She was wearing her smile, and her eyes seemed to be watery. "That must have been very hard."

"Only until I thought about us… Reika". Sasuke went back to kiss her.

Sasuke was hurt, yet the love he had with Reika helped him get past it. He only hoped Sakura would be ok. For now though, the biggest thing on his mind was Reika, and their time. He knew one day Reika too would end. He couldn't stay here forever, but for now Reika was worth everything, and he intended to keep it that way.

"I love you Reika."


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

The shadows were spread about the land. Sasuke ran through the forest as quickly as he could. There was no escape, no escape. The moving darkness became a blur. All of a sudden his movement became inertia, as a powerful blow hit his body.

"Got ya." Said a giggling lovers voice. Sasuke stood up but was gently pushed against a tree. He reversed the maneuver and now was the one pushing his opponent into a tree. He took a deep breath; an intoxicating aroma filled his nose. It drove him mad, it was such a pleasant smell, and he could barely keep his cool. He felt a tug on his shirt, his head jerked forward. In the dark his lips met soft, tender, moist lips. The kisses harmonized with the wind in the trees, and the crickets in the bushes. Sasuke could not hide his delight, nor could he fight it, he became more passionate, and embraced her with love and longing. The kiss ended. His head was swimming. He was right to have made this choice. Moonlit picaresque green eyes stared up intently.

"Say it!" Said his mind.

He cherished the silence. He could feel his heart beating. So much had happened, and yet it felt like so little time. And now he was here, was this what he wanted… "It will have to do for now…" He shrugged his shoulders at the thought. Then with a crooked smile said softly "maybe more than that." And then suddenly, everything else before the fights, the girls, the voyages, the returns… all stopped to matter, for this was now. And he was there, at this moment, where nothing else mattered but one thing.

"Sakura… I love you."

Heart beats, flutter causing

Sighs of passion while

Poppysmics riddle the cool night air

Beings one separate 'neath the stars lay as one.

The night fleeting watches

The morning on the rise

Relinquished love…

The debt now repaid

To the reader:

Love indeed is a fickle mistress that flirts with us all. Many times she will not be there to stay, and it is in these cases we must let her go willingly. For she will return one day, and you never know this time… she may be here to stay.


End file.
